Wednesday, 29 June 2011


Unfortunately, I am not getting better and as usual, it has taken me a few days to work out that the majority of the symptoms indicate that I am suffering from stress or anxiety. I am not depressed, as I know that feeling, and it is a little different, although I think it is a close cousin. I am feeling overwhelmed and under a lot of pressure to do things, be places, etc etc and I really feel tonight that the only thing I want to do is stay at home and weed the garden! Tonight, I want to just be a "housewife" and mother, and think of nothing else but my family, my house and my garden/chickens. In a way, I want to move somewhere where I don't have any responsibilities and just be me, so that I can start again - it is very hard to say to people that you don't want to help them any more - and it isn't that I don't want to.

I can't give up all the things I have taken on overnight, and I know that there is a 6 week break from the school and the gym coming up, which is a good thing. I sent my apologies to two school events tonight, and it is likely that I shall do the same tomorrow and Friday. I may not go to a church meeting in the morning, either. I may make a visit to the doctor next week for some happy pills, as I call them, which might help me to get through this episode - it's a while since I had one like this, but they have got more frequent this past year, and I haven't done anything about improving the situation, so perhaps it is time I should.

The trouble is that this IS an illness, but it is an invisible one, and so people look at me and think I look OK and wonder why it is that I don't feel that I can do this, that or t'other.

UJ has a date for his hip operation - July 11th - which is a cancellation slot, we think! He is really pleased at getting one so quickly, and the FH is happy to go and stay with him once he gets out of hospital. I am thinking about some meals I can make and freeze so that all he has to do is pull them out, thaw and reheat, and maybe cook some veg or pasta or potatoes to go alongside the main part. I don't want the FH to be too hard worked whilst he is there, as his poor old ankles will suffer with too much standing around, cooking.

Gosh - what a rambling!!

The latest batch of chicks had their first day in the outdoor garden run today - and seemed very happy in the sunshine, although they are back in their box in the verandah for the night now. The older batch are now in the runs at the top of the garden and getting the hang of that lifestyle - if it rains, one has to go into the house, and they didn't grasp that yesterday when the heavens opened, so they got drenched - they'll learn!

And Murray is through to the semi-finals at Wimbledon - hurrah! The other chap just seemed to give up right at the end when it was Murray's service - he just let all the balls go right past him.

The girls have a day off school tomorrow because of the strikes, so the YFG has a friend here for the night, as we are looking after her tomorrow. They are going to have a great time as they get on very well together.


Kim said...

Oh Morgan, I really hope that you feel better soon. It's hard to let go of things when you've been involved in so much, but perhaps for your own & the family's sake, you might have to.
Look after yourself

Wannabe Sybil said...

lots and lots and lots of hugs.

It is so hard not to leap in when you see a need. I hope you can disentangle as much as you need.

Have a rather warm hug from little bear as well. WS x

Aurora said...

Hope you feel better soon. Taking a step back for a while will help you see what is important to you. I know it can be hard to do but the other things can be let go of. None of us can do all that is put before us. It took me a long time to understand that my health and my family must come first.

The Squirrel Family said...

Hope you feel better soon.I know its hard but try and find a little time to take care of you.......even if its just a bubble bath (with the door barricaded of course)