Holding each other up

Yesterday we had to put our feelings to one side, and just be there for the FH's son; he was crying on the phone to me late morning as he had been told that the DNA tests done to secure the paternity of the baby have come back marked as "inconclusive" and his solicitor told him that that meant he is not the father of the child. 

I am only beginning to imagine the range of emotions he is going through, but he was absolutely devastated by the news when he was talking to me yesterday.  Words begin to fail me over this whole thing.  Silent prayer is all that I have left.

Making it s-t-r-e-t-c-h!

Determined to make a large lasagne yesterday but lacking in the mince department, I had to do what I could to make the meat go as far as I possibly could.  I had a paltry 300g of mince, which is actually a decent amount, but I wanted to make it into 6 or 8 large-ish portions of lasagne if I could!

I started with an onion in the pan [free from UJ's garden] and then added the mince [£1.85 from Morrison's], to which I added a pepper [free from the greenhouse] and a very finely chopped courgette [free - garden] and a tin of chopped tomatoes [31p from Aldi at some point in the past] and a tablespoon of Aldi's onion gravy granules.  This cooked up into the most appetising mince ragu-type mixture - and it smelled gorgeous!

At the same time, I set a whole head of cauliflower [80p, roadside stall] to steam over a pan of water, so this was cooked at about the same time as the mince.  I made s simple cheese sauce with grated cheese, milk, Vitalite and cornflour, and then poured it over the cauliflower and used the resulting cauliflower cheese as the cheesy layer in the lasagne.  It all piled up most satisfactorily, and the FH and YFG had some for their tea last night whilst I was at gymnastics with the EFG.  The other four portions are safely tucked in the freezer for another day!  It stretched the mince out, and added another vegetable to the meal without making a lot of extra work.

Born to read

I know that I don't blog about reading much, but I am passionate about books.  You'd know that if you came to my house anytime.  There are books under the stairs, a whole wall full of books in the office, a shelf in the sitting room, a stash by my chair in there as well, a huge bookshelf in the EFG's room which is half mine and half hers, there are shelves full of my ministry books in the spare room, and then there are heaps by my bed.  The YFG has a small shelf in her room, and there are several shelves and boxes full in the garage.  We love books, and we girls love to read.  We read stories, biographies, non-fiction and instructional texts, the lot.  The FH is more selective, and prefers "true" books so he sticks to non-fiction and biographies of his heroes like Fred Dibnah.

(image from en.wikipedia.org)

I grew up with the Magic Faraway Tree [one of my little friends regularly turned up at fancy dress parties as the Saucepan Man], the Enchanted Wood, the Secret Seven and the Famous Five, and I moved on to Nancy Drew and her colleagues, the detective brothers whose name escapes me.  I loved To Kill A Mockingbird when we did that for GCSE and I laboured my way through Shakespeare, found Virginia Woolf a bit strange, but Willa Cather more readable.  Now I read for pleasure most of the time and enjoy the wild delights of Lee Child, Debbie Macomber, Miss Read, Sarah Morgan, Trisha Astley, Nora Roberts, Jane Green, Katie Fforde, Alexander McCall Smith, Stephenie Meyer, Elizabeth Chadwick and Phillipa Gregory.

(image from theguardian.co.uk)

I can't imagine not being able to read, to escape, to investigate, to discover, to love, to laugh, to enjoy and to find out, to travel and to imagine - reading opens so many doors, it takes my breath away.  I have learned so much by being able to read, and through reading, I have discovered so many more opportunities.  I am obviously one of the lucky ones.

(image from waterstones.co.uk)

The EFG learned to read at school, with a lot of input from us at home, from an early age.  The YFG learned to read at home, and almost did it herself because we certainly didn't teach her in any structured way.  She didn't go to school until Year4, but she was reading well by then.  She read her first book to us one night at 11pm sitting on our bed, and she read it almost word perfectly.  I can't remember the exact book, but I know that our friends Biff and Chip from the Magic Key were up to something exciting.

You don't have to be rich to be able to access books.  There are wonderful libraries in most towns, and even here, where we have libraries available eight miles in each direction, we are blessed with a library bus in the village for over an hour twice a month, just like Frugal in Suffolk regularly posts.

Two things have happened this month to make me think about reading in a different light.  One was Merry's post about the reading experiences of the poorest children in the country, and the other was our Ofsted report.  The inspectors rightly recognised that parents are not having enough input into their children's reading development in some cases, and I think that that is so sad.  Spending time with a child, with a book on their lap, is such a special time, that the parent is missing out on so much as well as the child.  And, although I acknowledge what this Save the Children report has to say, I don't think that this lack is confined to the poorest children: plenty of wealthier parents still don't appreciate the impact of books and of reading in their child's life.

If any of you have ever watched Strictly Come Dancing, you will have seen the ending, where the presenters link arms and say, "Keeeeeep Dancing!" so I would like you to imagine that tone as I implore you to "Keeeeeeep Reading!"

Back to frugalling

Today began early, as we have been northwards to an eye clinic at the hospital, where I have had drops put in my eyes, and extremely bright lights shone into my eyes, which hurt, but I have been given the all clear.  A charming European [not UK, but of undistinguishable origin] eye surgeon had a good look and declared that my eyes are fine - it's my age!  In my mother's time, I would have been middle-aged now, at 41, but I do like to think I have a few years left yet!

Tea tonight for the folks was a baked spaghetti dish - made with home-grown tomatoes, an onion courtesy of UJ's garden, some spaghetti and half a ball of mozzarella cheese, with a couple of garlic cloves.  A sprinkling of grated cheese on the top and there was dinner for three, with leftovers, for not a lot of dosh!

Then I found some left over chocolate brownies which had been languishing in a container since the Macmillan coffee morning on the 27th September.  They looked edible and smelled fine, but no one fancied them, so I mashed them to crumbs and popped a Sainsbury's Supreme Dessert [from AF] on the top with a suggestion of cocoa powder over the top, and it suddenly became appetising again!  Waste not, want not and all that.

I also had to go into school to work with the leadership team on a letter which will go home with the children when they take their copies of the Ofsted report home tomorrow.  

Tonight, the FH has retired to bed early as his ankles are hurting from the walking he had to do this morning because we couldn't park anywhere near the hospital.  He has been watching repeats of the Hairy Bikers, so I have dug out my copy of their Bake-cation trip around Europe - I am sure that Linzertorte is going to have to go on the menu here one day soon!

Good night x

I'm back

Thank you, all of you, for your patience and kindness over the past week.  It hasn't been a good week in a lot of ways, but there have been some better days.

(image from clocks-uk.com)

We don't know what is going to happen to the baby yet.  The good news for the baby's sake is that he has been discharged from hospital, so after coming off the medication, he is well enough to go "home".  At this stage, it is a foster home, where I am sure he is being well loved and very well looked after.  It may be his forever home, we just don't know yet.

Only time will tell what the long term implications of the baby's gestation and birth conditions will have on him, and from what I have been told, he is sleeping well, eating well and doing what babies do!

I have spent time this week looking into the problems that he might face, and investigating kinship care.  I have friends in Scotland who have adopted a sibling pair, and the chap is also a social worker whose research area is childhood trauma, and so he knows a lot on this subject.  I also have an acquaintance through gymnastics who is a more local social worker.  Neither of them think that we would be considered as suitable for the care of the child, due to the FH's age and health conditions.  

If this does turn out to be the case, though, it appears that there may be other things we can do to stay in contact, even if it is just that our details are put into his records so that he can see when he is older that he has aunts [the girls] as well as his birth parents.  We may be able to arrange what is called "letterbox" contact through letters once or twice a year.  We will have to talk to the powers that be about what they consider suitable in this case.

I will make another attempt to speak with the social worker tomorrow as we have not heard anything from her since last Monday, although I know we were mentioned in a meeting on Wednesday.

For now, we have to give it time.  Time to wait and see what will happen, time to support and encourage the FH's son, and eventually, time to get accustomed to the loss of another grandchild, we fear.  

Time to pray and wait prayerfully, as always.

Tomorrow

I'm coming back tomorrow, so thank you for your patience; there has been a little swell in visitors today, but I'd be grateful for a few more hours!  We are peaceful here, and looking forward to chapel in the morning.

A new beginning

Very emotional day today, when I went to the surgery and had a long chat with the nurse practitioner there who knows the family both through her work and also in the village.  I was in there nearly an hour, so it was a good thing I asked to be the last on her list!  She is a fantastic woman and I am so glad that I went to see her.

Wherever this baby ends up, this is a new start for me as it has made me realise things about myself and my priorities, and so I need to spend some time thinking about things and making some plans.  I feel like a limp dishrag tonight, and I need some time to re-energise myself, so I am going to take some time away from the internet to think and focus a little more.  Be patient with me, and I will come back at the weekend.  Thank you for all your love and support, and prayers.