A wee moan, I am afraid! People in real life do mean well, and I take a deep breath and smile every time, but I am getting a bit pained at all the folk who are telling me how hard Christmas is for me, and how they are thinking of me.
I do appreciate the thoughts, I really do, but the woman who said to me on Sunday how hard it was for me, to whom I replied that no, the girls and I are doing well and we are having a good Christmas really wound me up when she said, "Aren't the girls upset about their dad, then?"
No one has the right to make comments like that. No one.
It seems that hardly anyone can understand this family and how we tick. We had been prepared for the FH to die for years, and we had openly spoken to the girls about life "after Dad", it was part of conversation around here. We all knew that his life would end years before ours. We are realistic - always optimistic, yes, but realistic too - and we knew and we prepared ourselves and them. Some people just don't grasp that at all.
We have just had a lovely half hour sitting on my bed, laughing and joking and remembering their younger childhoods and some of the things we got up to! We have memories to cherish and to share, and to chuckle together over when the mood takes us. We are not miserable. We loved him and we do miss him, but we are moving on, and not dwelling on the past.
He had a great life over seven decades, saw a lot of the world and had some amazing experiences. He was born between the wars and lived long enough to see this great technological age. He benefited from some of the most exciting developments in modern medicine. He was a generous and clever man, and had an impact on a great many lives.
But the past is the past, and my girls and I still have a future.
15 comments:
You are right - people really need to think before they open their mouths! You and the girls have every right to have a nice happy Christmas - so glad you did!
It's the little thoughtless comments that can hurt so much, when folk don't understand and you haven't the energy to put them right or know that even if you try to they still won't 'get it'.
I'm so glad you had a lovely Christmas together you and the girls.... that is the most important thing.
All the very best for the New Year .
Some people just don't get it, even if they stop to think they still believe they know what others are feeling, & that they should voice their opinions. Meaning well doesn't really cut it, does it? So glad you and the girls are having happy times together, big hugs, Vee xx
I am sorry, your posts are so full of happiness and while you have had a blow, it is clear you are managing.
I am still sending hugs. WS xxx
@WS - you haven't anything to be sorry for - you are always very supportive and encouraging, and no one on here has ever made us feel that we are not grieving or that we didn't love the FH. Her comment on Sunday made me feel that she thought they ought to be wailing themselves to sleep every night! It wasn't appropriate. And it helped me to understand that she really doesn't understand!! Hugs always appreciated x
Love to you all - and thanks for all your support xx
We spoke about you and the girls on Christmas day, with joy not sorrow, that you are moving forward without FH and making a life for yourselves, as you always knew you would have to.
Hugs to you all.
Hope to see you again once the weather improves.
Morgan - I understand. There seems to be a huge amount of pressure sometimes to have the big drama. People who care understand, people who are drama vultures don't. Serious supply of hugs from here. WS xxx
@WS - I like that. There are too many drama vultures around these days, and that has perfectly described someone else in my life to a tee. Thanks! Hugs gratefully received xx
SBBE - thanks. It would be good to catch up again in the warmer weather - looking forward to spring! Love to you both xx
I found you via other blogs. I thiñk such people watch too many soaps and no longer think!!
Death is part of life. When we experienced the death of my father we upset quite a ĺot of such people as whilst his coffin was being carried up steps it was nearly dropped and we laùghed as my Dad would have!
Beautifully said.
Personally I think you're an inspiration! Being miserable is not what I think anyone who has passed over would want for anyone who is left. You are honoring his memory by carrying on and looking after your daughters x
It was the same when my friend B died. Everyone decided that because I didn't cry, I wasn't missing her! Even the vicar's wife said how sad it was. She looked floored when I commented that yes I do miss her, it isn't sad for B as she was free and I'll see her again one day!
Glad you enjoyed the season and hope that 2015 will be good for you all.
Every bereavement is different and affects people in different ways. We have no right to judge the way others handle it. We must just be there to support when they need us.
FH was a great guy, I was only privileged to meet him once - but the legacy he has left will live on. He was proud of you all when he walked beside you on this earth, and would be proud of you now you carry on walking without him.
May God's love and light surround you and the girls in the New Year xxx
Nothing to add, except God bless you & your girls in 2015. May your memories of FH always make you smile and remember him for what he was to you.
Hi Morgan- just was having a wee browse through your blog and landed with a jolt at this post. It is so relevant to the way we are feeling, after our recent bereavement. We had known J was not going to get better for a long time and were prepared- he was involved in that and we talked freely with our children about the future. Although people mean well, I often felt guilty that I wasn't more upset than they imagined I would be, and we are making plans...This has helped me so, so much. Thanks for posting it. God must have led me, I am sure. Hugs and blessings xxx
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