tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2493748718507781603.post3907606760414877213..comments2023-12-02T19:11:06.489+00:00Comments on Growing in the Fens: All kinds of griefMorganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10875708145472914122noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2493748718507781603.post-1696275597078633892016-06-10T15:14:10.347+01:002016-06-10T15:14:10.347+01:00I agree that each death affects us in a different ...I agree that each death affects us in a different way. The death of my Mother-in-law, who I loved dearly, affected me more than the death of my own Mother. My Mother's death was expected, my Mother-in-law's wasn't.<br />But my Dad dying was by far the worse, for with his death I became an orphan, never mind that I was a grown woman with a husband and child, I was an orphan.<br />Mac n' Janethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05732924562630675589noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2493748718507781603.post-91662258514541357022016-06-10T13:18:23.240+01:002016-06-10T13:18:23.240+01:00Morgan, you are so right about everyone's grie...Morgan, you are so right about everyone's grief being different.<br />I was not particularly close to my Dad, but was devastated when he died, but also relieved in away because he was unwell for so long beforehand. In some ways, I had grieved already, because I knew what he had was terminal.As Dad declined, I grew stronger and coped with washing him, toileting him,etc along with my sister and Mum, I was surprised at how I did react at the time and do so even now. <br />Afterwards there was this void to be filled, a feeling of helplessness. I couldn't cry at his funeral, I gave the address, but felt srangeley detached from it all. We walked into church and my Sisters told me that I was singing at the top of my voice, the song Mum had chosen & did the same thing as we left.<br />My watershed came last year,31/2 years after his death, when my beloved SIL passed away, just 10 weeks from diagnosis to her death. Then I grieved for both of them. Ruth had asked for Luther Vandross' "Dance with my father again", as she was very lose to her Dad & my Dad too.<br />The Floodgates opened then and I cried so much in the service and then felt guilty that my grief was for my Dad, not Ruth. In the coming days, I grieved for my Dad in so many ways ending up with three weeks off work, anti depressants & therapy, which has helped.<br />Another thing that helped, was knowing where my Dad is. Mum found old pictures of her and dad. There was one of my Dad at a Salvation Army Sunday School. Apparently he went there for years and "was under the Banner" in other words "Saved", so I know I will see him again. I also found that my mother received Adult Baptism when she was 14. Confirmation to me that I will see them again some day!<br />I still grieve for Dad, not as deeply as I did, but sometimes, all it takes is that song, an old Film on the t.v or one of the songs he used to sing and I get a little teary or melancholy, but at least now I have Hope.<br />Didn't mean to waffle Morgan, sorry. Kim @ Him, Him Mehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09566674565055851455noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2493748718507781603.post-32961486031770102862016-06-10T12:37:56.412+01:002016-06-10T12:37:56.412+01:00When my mother died, my life improved dramatically...When my mother died, my life improved dramatically. I never mourned her. I dealt with the guilt long before she died. Sometimes there isn't grief.<br /><br />People are complicated and sometimes sadness comes out in strange ways. I am just coming back to nearly functional after father's death in August, but it wasn't just the grief of losing him. The grief unlocked other stresses and dark places and dealing with the jumble of it all has been a challenge. <br /><br />Sometimes it's easier to pretend to follow a script and deal with how you really feel in private. hope these thoughts are useful xLyssa Medanahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07350926829113722058noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2493748718507781603.post-79906041755165509002016-06-10T09:31:26.338+01:002016-06-10T09:31:26.338+01:00I know where you are coming from on this. I did no...I know where you are coming from on this. I did not cry at Nicks funeral, although I did shed a few tears at home. To be honest I was glad that he had passed away, had he lived he would have been a vegetable, and for someone as active as her was that would have been far worse.<br /><br />His daughter, my grand daughter could not understand why I was not in floods of tears, at 18 she does not have the experience of life, she is just now realising what her dad did for her. She was lucky he was so supportive during the last 4 years.<br /><br />On another subject would love to see you again if you are coming this way, let me know and I will see what we can arrange.sweet blondie blue eyeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10415902997410295811noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2493748718507781603.post-65983384461239533102016-06-10T08:28:32.545+01:002016-06-10T08:28:32.545+01:00A fascinating topic, I work in the funeral industr...A fascinating topic, I work in the funeral industry and I know that everyone reacts differently to loss and grief. It is not uncommon for family to be dry-eyed, practical and even to be laughing as they talk about their loved ones. It doesn't mean that they didn't love them, and it doesn't mean that they don't have private moments of anguish and despair. I don't see them again after the service, and often wonder how they are coping in those very difficult weeks and months when many people - especially work colleagues, in my experience - have forgotten about it. Much of the grieving process happens in private/without being voiced. Thank you once again for a thoughtful and thought-provoking post. Athenehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15291829962426006638noreply@blogger.com